Make A Wish

Hi, it’s me again.

Fourteen now.

One year older.

Still me in here.

Make a wish.

Blow out the candles.

I close my eyes.

Wishes in my mind are silent.

In my head, words are spoken in my clearest voice.

Wishes are supposed to be kept inside.

Many say, “Don’t tell or they won’t come true.”

That mindset hasn’t worked for me.

So here goes nothing…

I wish my mind and body would get on the same page. It is like riding a bike with wheels not aligned. Your mind acts as the bicycle. You so have a plan in place and a destination in mind; however, the wheels begin to wobble and your body is out of control. This makes life’s journey indescribably hard and extremely difficult to navigate. The brain and body working together in magnificent harmony must be heavenly. I can only imagine.

I wish I could open my mouth and speak my beautiful, intelligent mind. The world equates speaking with intelligence. Nonspeaking does not mean nonthinking. One can be Autistic and speak. I am Autistic and have limited speech. I was born with challenges. My mom had to have an emergency c-section. This trauma contributed to my being Apraxic, I believe.

Apraxia is so misunderstood. It is neurological. It is motor. My mouth opens. Words dance in my mind. Apraxia steals them away…like a thief of joy. I won’t let you take my joy, Apraxia.

I am here. I am living life with hopes, with dreams, with much determination to use the gifts I have for good. Reliable speech. My shining star in the night sky. It marvels, whispering never stop trying. My Mom. Her eyes tell me she is listening, and her spirit encourages me that one day my words will break free. Free from so much silence.

I wish more eyes would be open to see, more minds be open to learn and more hearts be open to relate, to connect and to love someone who is unlike themselves.

I wish to be part of the conversation. Can you imagine a world where everyone not only had a seat at the table but each individual had opportunity to share without fear or without judgment? I dream of this. Who will sit next to me?

I wish for healthy relationships.

I wish for happiness…more for others than myself.

I open my eyes.

The candle is dim but there is still light.

My wishes may not come true today or tomorrow.

This will not keep me from trying.

I will keep wishing.

Keep dreaming.

Keep moving forward.

Make a wish, my friends.

Blow out the candles.