It’s that time of year once more.
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care.
I sit in silence with my grandmother’s Christmas tree.
It is the only light in the room.
Each ornament tells life’s stories.
Hers was one that would shine on many.
The holidays reveal our most inner emotions.
I see loved ones grieve in many ways.
Being Autistic, grief makes its way into my soul and tries to set up camp.
Misconceptions lume as my mind is very much aware while my uncooperative body invades my emotions.
To the neurotypical eye, I mistakenly seem unaffected and without understanding of loss.
Meanwhile, my heart is in millions of lifeless pieces.
I can’t speak the words I so desperately want to shout.
Grandma, I need you.
Help me navigate this world that can be so cold.
Sometimes I see you in my dreams.
Your smile reassures me.
I hear your voice.
It whispers - “You are so special. God created you with His loving hands.”
That voice could mend a broken heart.
Her quiet calmness - I can only imagine is like His hands on my heart.
My mind is full of memories - my most favorite gift.
I see her watching the Christmas chaos.
Wrapping paper always reminds me of her.
She wrapped us all up with so much care.
Each package - each person wrapped with love that has no end.
Your music still plays in my mind.
Your soft hands - I still remember.
Memories give me hope.
They fill my heart with comfort.
Happy Birthday, Grandma.
You leave me with strength and great courage to embrace the world with love never-ending.
Christmas is said to be the most wonderful time of the year.
I still believe that to be true.
Grief is a part of life.
It can help us heal and make us stronger.
I hold tight to snapshots of joy.
Grandma blowing out the candles on her cake.
My Mom with smiles hauling out our Christmas decorations on Halloween.
Will dancing it out to This Christmas.
Music playing while my Grandma Helen is making her famous chocolate chip cookies.
Dad reading Twas the Night Before Christmas.
Looking in reverence at my grandmother’s tree.
May this holiday season wrap you with snapshots of joy.
When wrapping gifts, think of those who wrap you up with so much care.
With so many memories.
With so much love.